Punch Bag

This is a random post just to let the water flow~~~.. think i am using blogs as punch bag again... but i guess is a harmless way of letting your heart felt words flow?.. anw is still a blog..

At times when you finally got a feel that you have finally given up and let go.. move on with your life... it actually shows... but more of a short term i guess? Life`s unfair just as what people say.. I guess i am not the person i use to be anymore too.. new life new system in poly.. well wad do you expect man!! however.. i still think some things still didnt change for me ?... i am still a proud ex member of YHHB:) ans i will always be.. anw is too much to leave yhss to i guess.. wondering if this would ever get to you.. but i seriously am STILL in love with you... always.. i tried so hard to let go.. but it didnt work i guess... especially after seeing the new photos.. it just competely broken everything i guess.. I admit i am a bastard the last time... seriosuly one!! but love has never been fake or played before in our case.. i never felt this pain before.. not even with friends.. the best descriptive word for it is just tearing me apart from everything!!.. i really regret not showing how much i love you the last time.. i hurt u badly !! i noe.. and i felt it!! .. i swear if there is another chance.. i will never give up in the chase.. i will not only love you.. but take care of you the entire life.. LS said to me once... is not good just to aim for you... cause after which when we are tgt.. i will hurt u again.. but i D check myself so many times.. and i realise.. i really love you... your everything..


However, seeing you so happy with . now.. it makes me happy too.. however, i really wish i was the guy... there.. always stand by you when ur in need.. so many people have given me advice even my best bud.. even our son!!!!.. if i love you.. i need to leave you. cause i am not the type for you.. and i cant take care of you because of my commiment.. i agree.. and i listen.. i tried really I TRIED!! . but still.. i cant let go of it... others ain just my type..!! ur too unique... at this time.. i am still thinking wth am i doing sharing all this shit here.. but as i though.. and think and think... i dun even noe if this will reach you or him making every one unhappy.. but i think this would be a necessary even if i noe i cant get you.. to be courageous and stand up and speak to the ones i love.. to tell you.. i love you!! i dun care what will others think... at least i need you to noe.. no matter what i still will be there.. loving you... cause no matter what distraction cant work for me... cause after a while... it comes back again!! so i wont be a man not to tell you this..


To tell you the truth.. the few days/weeks we been tgt.. i really felt the sense of responsibility. over there.. but i am just to tidmit.to show... but all this are still excuse.. i am still the bastard that harm you.. hurt you.. i am seriosuly sorry!!.. although i noe you may/may not see this but i apologise!! if there is still a chance... even the slightest chance.. (i think i am mad ans selfish / bastard to say this) i will really go for it again!. and this time.. i am sure i wont hurt you or any kind of hurt again!!.. although i really dun wanna break your current love... but ... i cant staop myself from not loving you... haha.. but come to think of it... mine will never come true.. hah really hilarious.. to just say it here.. when you noe nth gonna happen!!.. but still as i said.. i want to tellyou .. I love you~ written on 12112010~
I rhink this really represent how i have been feeling this few mth!! Sung by Chen Xiao Chun!

我知道故事不會太曲折
wo zhi dao gu shi bu hui tai qu zhe
I know this story is pretty straightforward

我總會遇見一個什麼人
wo zong hui yu jian yi ge shen me ren
I will find someone

陪我過沒有了她的人生
pei wo guo mei you le ta de ren sheng
To accompany me along the life without her

成家立業之類的等等
cheng jia li ye zhi lei de deng deng
Settle down, good career and everything

她做了她覺得對的選擇
ta zuo le ta jue de dui de xuan ze
Since she's made the choice she thinks is right

我只好祝福她真的對了
wo zhi hao zhu fu ta zhen de dui le
I can only give her my blessings

愛不到我最想要愛的人
ai bu dao wo zui xiang yao ai de ren
I can't love the person that I really want to

誰還能要我怎樣呢
shui hai neng yao wo zhen me ne
What else can I do?

我愛的人 不是我的愛人
wo ai de ren / bu shi wo de ai ren
The person I love is not my lover

她心裡每一寸 都屬於另一個人
ta xin li mei yi cun / dou shu yu ling yi ge ren
Every inch in her heart has been taken by the other person

她真幸福 幸福得真殘忍
ta zhen xin fu / xin fu de zhen can ren
She's really happy and this happiness is cruel

讓我又愛又恨 她的愛怎麼那麼深
rang wo you ai you hen / ta de ai zen me na me shen
Makes me love and hate how can her love be that deep

我的愛人 她已有了愛人
wo de ai ren / ta yi you le ai ren
The person I love has a lover

從他們的眼神 說明了我不可能
cong ta men de yan shen / shuo ming le wo bu ke neng
The look in their eyes tells it all, it's impossible for me

每當聽見 她或他說(我們)
mei dang ting jian / ta huo ta shuo (wo men)
Everytime I hear them use 'we'

就像聽見愛情 永恆的嘲笑聲
jiu xiang ting jian ai qing / yong heng de chao xiao sheng
It's just like love, laughing at me, eternally