A fast Year PAST..

In YHHB fun camp `10 now... seeing how my beloved batch of sec 4 now have graduated:) i feel damm happy for them.. although they will still join the alumni, seeing them will be very little now, :( . Nostalgic feeling come across . during the POP, i remember it wasnt just very long ago before my graduation, and now it is my juniors turn... Things are so different now, i just wish i can turn back the time, and attend to my mistakes and the things i missed before. Now that they have graduated, i feel weird .. like a lost in prupose in life, it seems as if.. the world really just start afresh again. looking at others things now..

I really dun wan this night to end, cause the following day, it will just be different !! very different!!. E ven in the alumni, thing are changing so drastically, i really hate changes .. it stops someone from being able to acheive what he got..

I also realise that, my surrounding is getting smaller and smaller, i am loosing trust and close friendship with the old people, ... ultimately maybe is just me, but i really felt a sense of lost .. and isloation in everything i do now, . I wanna shout and ahre it someone.. but who will sincerly listen?

After-though

I have officialy put down hopes on some things now.. i guess i just know is a little impossible and compeletly mental to get what i wan, things seem very different now, even the people i though who never , CAN,.... people really change so much.. just by looking at my juniors mateen and raphael.. WOW!! really is just a WOW.. mat really grown up and improve a lot.. raphael too.. although growing up is good, there are something where the change really cause a lot of harmm.. but some things are just not meant to be shared or said i guess.. once bitten twice shy.

Time like this really suck. so much work.. and really a lot. people start going against you, even ur besties, what is worst is you cant share!!! there is nobody whome can understand you anymore.. it always seem you found a buddy, but in fact.. your are fooled... a lot.. sometimes i really want to just be inhuman.. and become selfish..etc.. but is so impossible for me!!.. life sucks for me..!! i have to always clean ppl shyt, and cover for them... not once man i dun have to do this.. i just dun noe how to reject ppl close to you.. and the worst is.. the closest to you are the onces throwing you the shit..!

I really dun noe how to comment on my life anymore... all along i been trying to help others.. but end up.. i am taking the shit!!>. rap has also been doing this.. but at the current situation now.. i think his life now is far better than mine..

I am still schooling, but i feel as if i am working etc... is not that people treat me bad.. but things arnt fair for me.. trying to get the best out for everyone when i do things.. in the end i am acusse for being biased.. and shown with attitude.. seriosly how long can i take this horrible life man!!.. if not for this blog.. i think i really become mental ..!!!


i am not as good as i used to be.. simple things now i cant do it.. and really i feel like FUCKING kill myself man.. Camp planning is super simple.. i cant even accomplish it with ease now!!.. dun talk abt BGR or friends relationship.. cause i dun think i really meant to have a good brother/friend of my other partner.. BUT WORK! or skills.. i really feel so CMI!! .. i remember 2 years ago of slashing myself.. but luckily nicholas. saw the slash and got help.. But will history repeat itself?...

I feel like a split person.. after reading this.. i feel so children.. but inside my head.. there is a volcano going to erupt.. if i dun post it out.. i think this time really !! hais...


I just want help asap.. i think i cant take this anymore.. but i am still stubborn.. where ever ppl ask me.. i am always okay.. I HAVE TO BE?/!!! or else what.. . i am still the person who dun wanna share my problem. unless you gain my trust.. but people who gain my trust after that.. just walk away.. . THIS LIFE IS JUST BULLSHIT!!!.. i miss my old life... i really miss it.. i miss Shannon(jr) raphael(jr) , nicholas.. eugene.. hiang teck.. jerlyn.. i really cant take it anymore..!! HELP!