Isolated

Once again.. i never fail to disappoint people again.. to my junior? or friends? anybody.. sick of myself doing that.. always seeing my goals. high high.. but in the end .. it ends the same way.
No matter how hard i try to get close to someone nows a day.. it fails.. Just in Jan2011.. when different chances comes.. i though this time is going to be different, but is all a illusion. I cant seem to do anything right again.. I tend to run away from problems now!,

Avoiding, choosing not to address things!! this sucks.. Where is the old melvyn Ng.. who is humble.. and less egoistic..!! I miss caring for the onces i love.. i miss caring for my son, spouse.. and buddies.. All of them are so near.. but yet.. so far..!

The most foolish person!!.. the dumb ones!!>. dunno what happening.. slow.. blur.. This is what i am hearing from my friends! I suck.. simple to put it.. i suck..!! I cant seem to open up to anyone anymore.. to be laughted at?? again.. i cant take the risk..

Ones. some one told me on the way home.. !! COMMON Melvyn.. i am close to you!!>. but deep inside.. i noe i am close.. but yet.. i cant open up to him !. i feel so horrible when he is with me now.. Or whoever is once close to me!..

This is wrong.. so wrong...

I think the ends near?.. so near. i can feel the coldness coming inch by inch!!.. I feel isolated.. not even my parents.. i can share this with!.. i am just too foolish..

Common .. if u wan my life.. just take it away as soon as possible.. stop making me suffer.. IS PAINFUL.. physically and mentally.. health.. detorritaes.. bladder problem!! water retention!!.. why is it comming one by one!!..

I just want to protect -- from everything.. tad all i ask for..


The ends near... is ending.. where are u when i need you!