Growing up

Is been a long time since i blog again, i almost forgotten that i have a blog. Lately I just realise the different people in my surrounding better. People all have different feelings and thinking about you, but they choose to keep it deep inside, the closer you are to them, the deeper they keep it away from you. To the extend where you feel so weird and so much doubt when you are with the people you are once so close with.
I have also realise no matter how old I am, I still have a very funny problem I have with friends. Frankly speaking, making friends and being with friends is a no problem for me, the problem only comes in when I want to maintain the relationship with them, the closer they are; the harder it is to keep them close to you. You just never know when they will hide things from you again and backstab you from the back.

For me, I am not that kind of people , which I just realise. No matter how much bullshit friends( the closer ones ) give, I will not retaliate , is just a funny behavior of mine, instead I will just act as if nothing really happen and I don`t know a lot of stuff, but deep inside I know there is something wrong. Common , what do you expect from a person who have tried to read Body language for 2 years. ( haha I am being corky now) . But still, I will want to treasure this bastard close to me. Why?... come one why is it in the 1st place I have tried making them the best buddies .. I hate to trust people. But once you get my trust, I will go in all the way to you, but instead.. I always got hurt.. which I dun think I can change that anymore

Being someone who is soft friend sucks at times too… everyone will start to approach you as a listening ear and share their problems. Yes!! They say they just need an listening ear, but deep down they are expecting a solution and advice, which I hate it.. then they will start to complaint about you etc… common already.. I am HUMAN!! Too.. i am recently quite packed with all the camps plans… sch work, exam, meeting up with friends, project. I need my rest too.. but they never stop coming. Please don`t get me wrong. I love to help people, espically people close to me, but however, please don’t start to mistreat my trust to you again, and turn to others when you realise you cant get an answer.


I need help too, so please dun be selfish, as I said, I ain street smart, I need help as much as anyone do. But is just that sincerely speaking, I just realise I do not have any one left to share my personal problems. Although I used to think I could.. but then again. People change right??.. or maybe I just seem to ~okay~ to get anyone alarm that I have a huge cock up problem inside me. But who cares.. haha

In terms of love, I kept seeing people break and patch over and over again, every one around me keeps doing that. Then sometimes I ask myself, why is there a freaking picture of __ still in my photo album??.. I got this mix up feeling.. I dun know if is still love or what.. I kept thinking abt it since?? Ever? But looking at the situation I am in now, and the person is in now, I guess is impossible.. she seems happier on the other side right.. haha, and I am still the bastard.. and after what I have done.. hahah!! NO comments.. feel like whacking myself.. or if there is a wall.. bang that wall man!!..

Maybe is just I am socially awkward. That why I have so much of this problems, but never the least.. at least I know I have to keep going, at least that what my closer friends kept telling me.. or rather he kept telling me.. hahah!! All the best to him her and all of us;)